Ask a Piraka!
by Neophiles the Metal
Summary: I, Neophiles the Metal have brought the seven Piraka, plus others, for questioning! Ask them Something, Anything and Everything! I do not own Bionicle Wish I did... K - T if needed...
1. Intro

Bionicle is owned by Lego, I make only the storyline.  
BTW the Piraka names are...

Zaktan (The Snake, Green)  
Hakaan (The Bully, Red)  
Avak (The Trigger, Brown)  
Thok (The Drifter, White)  
Reidak (The Tracer, Black)  
Vezok (The Beast, Blue)  
Vezon (Ex-Piraka, Silver)

"I wanna go!"  
"Push off Avak, it's my go on Tomb Robber!"  
"You've been on it ages!"  
"Shaddap, you piece of Rahkshi crap!"  
Thok opened a glowing red eye, slowly rolling it and himself into a comfier position on the sofa. He had just started to drift back to sleep, when...  
"You three, move it! TV's on!"  
Avak jumped from his position, before being caught by Hakaan and flung into a nearby wall...  
"Why, whatchu gonna do Zaktan?!"  
Their leader, Zaktan was a fair person. If you didn't get in his way, he didn't kill you. He and Hakaan had a long standing rivalry, something they kept up if even if on the same landmass. Zaktan pushed his tribal face in line with Hakann's, his pearl white teeth baring at his fellow Piraka while growling menacingly...  
"This is what I'm gonna do..."  
In one swift move he had switched to his clawed weapon, grabbed Hakaan and head-butted him...  
"...and that's what I just did..."  
Hakaan tumbled backwards, stars spinning round his head. Avak laughed his melon shaped head off, Zaktan shot a growl in his direction...  
"What're you laughin' at, stones for brains?"  
Avak crammed a fist into his mouth to stop himself laughing; a small squeak was all that was heard next. Zaktan turned his attention to Thok, who was now buried under a mass of duvets. He scanned the lump that took up the whole sofa, finding a stray spine poking out near the bottom of the pile. He grabbed it, tugging sharply and throwing Thok across the floor. He connected chin first, the duvet landing atop him. Zaktan stretched as he turned the TV over to a random channel, leaving Thok to walk around their base of operations with Avak and Hakaan. They found themselves in the computer room, along with Reidak and Vezok...  
"What're you two doing here?"  
"Mean Green kicked us outta the gym..."  
"...cos he's a pile of Rahi crap..."  
Hakaan huffed, his lava red hue gleaming in the dim light that filtered in through the boarded up windows. He growled as he walked over to a random computer, belting the keyboard with a random flurry of fingers...  
"Bah, what is there to do...?"  
They sat in random chairs, glaring at each other (Avak was busy spinning on his, so no-one took any notice) as if it was the person opposite's fault. Suddenly the lights went out, there was a sharp thud as Avak fell off his chair and a small squeal from somewhere. The lights came on to reveal a glowing blue portal, and Hakaan trembling in Vezok's arms. He looked around at the hysterical faces, until he came back to Vezok. He was greeted by a murderous growl, before being dropped and stamped over by the ocean blue Piraka. Avak picked himself up and walked over to the portal, admiring it with geeky awe...  
"Wonder where this goes?"  
His thoughts were interrupted by Reidak dropkicking him into the swirling vortex, taking his time to pose for the remaining Piraka. Vezok and Hakaan nodded to each other, clothes-lining the black tinted brute through the exact same way as Avak. They laughed until they caught each others eyes, laughter mutating into growls of ferocity. They grappled, kicked, bit, punched and used many other beastly attacks until they both collapsed to the floor, exhausted. Two darts were fired from Thok's weapon, freezing their bodies instantly. Thok casually kicked the frozen bodies into the portal, following close behind them...


	2. Quiz time!

The five Piraka landed in a dark room, no light entering the place whatsoever. There was a long pause before Vezok roared at Avak...  
"YOU LITTLE MAKUTA SPAWN! YOU'VE CONDEMNED US TO KARZAHNII!"  
Avak shrank under the glares of his comrades before noticing something...  
"Uh, what's that?"  
They all turned to follow his glance, and came within gawping distance of a large crowd of people. Vezok turned back to Avak, growling quietly...  
"If we get outta here, I'm gonna throw you to Fenraak so he can use you as a chew-toy..."  
"What in Mata Nui's going on?"

_Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to __Ask A Piraka!__ The show where you can ask your favourite Piraka whatever you want!_

*Vezok's mouth drops open, loosely swinging*

Vezok: What the...?

_And here's your host, NEOPHILES THE METAL!_

*NTM descends from the ceiling in a huge throne, he grins at the audience*

NTM: Hello people, I'm gonna ask these seven piraka and a few others YOUR own questions!

Thok: Dunno if you've noticed, whoever you're called, but there's only five of us!

NTM: Or is there?

*Clicks fingers, a portal opens. Zaktan and Vezon fall through*

NTM: Please welcome, Zaktan and Vezon!

*Vezok growls at his counterpart, while Hakaan initiates a verbal battle with Zaktan*

Hakaan: Zaktan you *beep*!

*Stops and turns to NTM*

Hakaan: Why the *beep* can't I say *beep*?!

NTM: Cos I haven't said you can, I control everything in this dimension.

Avak: Could'ya take away the audience, the blank gawps creep me out...

NTM: Done...

*Clicks fingers, audience disappears*

Avak: Phew...

*Hakaan sniggers*

Hakaan: Baby...

Avak: Shut the *beep* up...

*Vezon turns to NTM*

Vezon: You're just asking us questions?

NTM: And pretty much what the reviewers want to happen...

Reidak: Sounds 'kay...

*Zaktan's eyes sparkle*

Zaktan: I'm gonna be on TV!

Thok: We're gonna be on TV...

*Zaktan: TT_TT*

NTM: Thok, you're on first!

*Thok: O_O*

Thok: Oh *beep*

NTM: Thok is up for questioning; send in some, any and all questions!


	3. Goldenpelt

_Thok is in the hotspot for questioning! The first question has come in! Thank you __Goldenpelt__ for your contribution!_

*Thok sits down, a relaxed position matches his grin*

NTM: Ok Thok, your question is from Goldenpelt...

Thok: Great...

NTM: The question is...

_Hey Thok; I've heard that you've had the hots for a certain Toa of Water. Is this true?_

Thok: Uhhh...

*Hakaan starts singing*

Hakaan: _Love is in the air, every sight..._

*NTM makes a shape in the air, a huge block of stone falls on Hakaan*

NTM: Sorry about that, back to the question...

Thok: Well, it depends on who Goldenpelt means...

NTM: Please explain...

Thok: Well, I've only really met two. Gali and Hahlii, and they were both in battle. Gali isn't as calm as she looks when she's up in your face, and Hahlii wouldn't reconsider wrenching my arm off and battering me with it!

NTM: So, it isn't true?

*Thok growls lowly*

Thok: Course not, I'm a cold blooded *beep* who wouldn't let down a chance to hack someone's *beep* legs off!

NTM: So much for Thok 'The Drifter'. We haven't heard the last of this, keep sending reviews!

BTW: Make sure your reviews are clear, I had to have an asprin to calm this headache...

Neophiles the Metal, Investigating random things...


	4. Vector333

_A-hah! Another question, no-no! SET of questions! Tanks to Vector-333 for these!_

NTM: This now becomes a challenge; Thok is in the seat, so I'll ask him first...

Hakaan: This'll be good...

NTM: Thok, Vector-333 says that "_In a fanfic I have read, a fic that will remain unnamed, you and Hakaan are paired up as a fluffy couple."_

Hakaan and Thok (Both): FLUFFY?!

*Look at each other*

Both: Bllleughrrr!

NTM: Continuing he asks "_What's your reaction to said fluffiness?"_

Thok: Whatcha mean by 'Fluffy'?

NTM: It means you have feelings for each other...

Hakaan: Hah! I can't even look at the guy without being sick...

Thok: Same for you, Rahi-features...

Hakaan: Rahkshi spawn!

*Insults fly back and forth in the background as Zaktan sits in the chair*

Zaktan: Got any for me, the **Leader**of the team?

NTM: As a matter of fact yes! Vector-333 asks "_Zaktan, since your body can move and shift a lot, how do you stay together when you sleep?"_

*Zaktan scratches chin*

Zaktan: Some people think that I have a shut-down mode or something inside of me that keeps me together...  
Others believe I can keep part of myself conscious as I rest...  
But the main reason that I don't just simply float away...  
is that I don't sleep.

NTM: And yet you can still bring a whole island to its knees in under a few minutes after arriving, amazing...

Zaktan: Yeah, much better than that trigger-head Avak...

NTM: Talking of which, it's his turn!

*Turns to Avak*

NTM: Avak, the curios mind of Vector-333 asks "_Avak, who do you think would win in a staring contest, Kopaka or Thok?_"

Avak: Well, I know Kopaka is the unnervingly silent Toa who wouldn't like to miss details, and I've known Thok watch some quite interesting TV for a whole week before even considering letting his eyelids drop...

*Puts a hand on his chin*

Avak: If I had to call winnings, I would say Thok...Only because Kopaka would get bored with what the *beep* likes to call a 'stupid game'...

NTM: Final question! Vector-333 would like to know...

*NTM stifles a laugh*

NTM: _"Do any of you masturbate?"_

*Everyone: O_O*

NTM: Well...?

Avak: Uhh...

Thok: Nuh-uh...

Reidak: Nope...

Zaktan: Zero chance...

Hakaan: Negative...

Vezok: I'm saying nothing...

Vezon: "?" Is all I can say...

NTM: Well Vector-333, I hope they answer your questions! Keep R&R-ing me and my stories people...!

Neophiles the Metal, spreading RND goodwill...


	5. ArtemisFowl713 & Namless Daydreamer

ArtemisFowl713 & Namless Daydreamer, take a bow! Thanks for your questions!

NTM: More reviews people! Namless Daydreamer asks Thok _"Thok, do you think that you might have a "six sense", since your always aware of what's around you?"_

Thok: Hmm...You mean like...

*Hakaan sneaks up behind him, ready to scare the white piraka*

Thok: Hakaan I know you're there, so stop being a *beep*

Hakaan: Aw...*beep*

Thok: About that 'sixth sense', it's not true. I just know where everything should be and how they work, Piraka included...

NTM: Nice...Hope they answer your question, Namless Daydreamer! The next questions are from ArtemisFowl713... Vezon's turn!

Thok: Huh?!

*Vezon grabs Thok and over-arm throws him out of the chair, before sitting in it himself*

Vezon: Great! Fire away! Nice seat! Is it leather?

*Maniacal laughter*

NTM: Isn't this going to be interesting?

Vezok: Whoop-de-*beeping*-do...

NTM: The question is... "_Vezon, how do you feel about the fact that you are: fused to a malfunctioning mask of dimensions that lets you go wherever you want, carrying a spear of fusion, are half a piraka, and know everything any of the piraka know?"_

Vezon: Okay, okay...  
First off, I **was** fused to the Mask of Life, before those Toa stole it...

Zaktan: Ahem!

*Pulls a chart showing a Piraka and a Toa*

Zaktan: Pay attention! Us=Piraka, strong, cunning, evil thieves. Them=Toa, weak, idiotic, heroic...heroes.

*Flips the chart upwards*

Zaktan: IT AIN'T HARD TO GET CONFUSED!

*A zip appears on Zaktan's mouth, which zips shut*

NTM: Thanks for that, now shut up...

Vezon: Secondly, the Spear of Fusion ain't too bad, especially when I play golf...

*Everyone: O_O*

Vezon: What?

NTM: Oh nuttin...

Vezon: All in all, I feel pretty...and witty...and...

*NTM zips his mouth shut also*

Reidak: Thank Mata Nui...

NTM: However, he has to answer another question...

*Zip disappears*

Vezon: Yeah, go on!

NTM: ArtemisFowl713 wants to know_ "Vezon, how do you feel about your years fused to Kardas /Fenraak, and how do you feel about Kardas/Fenraak itself?"_

Vezon: Well, the big guy was kinda like *sniff* a big brother to me, standing up for me when *sniff*I was fused to him...

NTM: How long were you fused together?

Vezon: *sob* SIXTY THOUSAND YEARS! *wail* Right to the very end!

NTM: Wow...you must really feel for the guy...

Vezon: Nah, he's just an overgrown bug with a bad temper...

*NTM puts hand to face*

NTM: Ohhh, you shouldn't have said that...

*Big screech as Fenraak bounds on, launching for Vezon*

Vezon: AHHH! *BEEP!*

*Chomp! All that is seen of Vezon are his kicking legs*

NTM: Question number tree, "_Hakaan, list the other piraka in order of most favourite, to most hated."_

Hakaan: Pfft! Got anything harder?!

(Most Hated) Zaktan

Vezok

Vezon

Avak

Thok

(Least Hated) Reidak

Hakaan: Only cos Reidak's so stupid it's likeable...

*Reidak glares daggers*

NTM: Not so fast, villain! This could prove you wrong! "_Reidak, name all the Greek gods, and what they stand for."_

Reidak: Uuh...

Zeus, Leader of the Gods

Hades, God of the Underworld

Poseidon, God of the Sea

Athena, Goddess of Wisdom

Aphrodite, Goddess of Love

Ares, God of War

Artemis, Goddess of Hunting

Apollo, God of Music

Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest

Dionysus, God of Wine

Hephaestus, God of Fire

Hera, Goddess of Birth

Hermes, God of Flight

Hestia, Goddess of Home

Hakaan: How the *beep* did you know THEM?!

Reidak: I might be slow, but my memory from DHH (Dark Hunter High) is amazin'...

NTM: Nice one, Avak is being asked: _Avak, how did you discover zamor spheres?_

Avak: Actually I didn't discover them, the Matoran were making them to defend themselves and I just added some Anti-dermis...

Hakaan: Talkin' of which, what's in that stuff?

NTM: Yeah Zaktan, do tell...

*Zaktan sweat drops*

Zaktan: It's just something I picked up from somewhere, just a few bits...

NTM: Yeah, of what?

**Sorry for not updating! Reveiws are appreciated! I just have a diminishing supply of time!**


	6. Dragonmaster77 & FullOn124

NTM: Ok, from the creative minds of FullOn 124 and Dragon-Master 77, here are your questions!

Hakaan: Whoop-de-do...

NTM: This is for all of you from FullOn 124: _Who gave up your nicknames and why do you like?_

Hakaan: 'The Bully'? Because it describes my attitude and style!

Vezon *from inside Fenraak's jaws*: You stole my lunch money!

NTM: Thoughts?

Hakaan: I love the nickname!

Vezok: 'The Beast'? Because that's what my personality is like after that PILE OF *BEEP* Vezon *BEEP* of *BEEP* face *BEEP* stole my sanity!

Vezon *whistles while still inside jaws*: Touchy...

NTM: Likey or no?

Vezok: 's Ok...

Avak: 'The Trigger'? 'Cos I LOVE guns!

*Avak pulls out his cannon and fires at a wall*

NTM: Enough said methinks.

Reidak: 'The Tracer'? Well, I can find anything!

Vezon*jaws still*: Great, find me a way outta here!

Thok: 'The Drifter'? Hello?! Favourite past-time is sleeping!

Zaktan: 'The Snake'? Because I like to be hated and feared!

Vezon *jaws still*: Got that right!

NTM: Ok Fenraak, you can let go. A question needs answering!

Vezon: No, I'm comfy in here...

NTM: Very well, FullOn 124 wants to know: _Vezon: Do you think you could beat Vezok?_

*Vezok looks across at Vezon (who has managed to get his head unstuck), tapping his foot*

Vezok: Well?

*Vezon shrugs*

Vezon: Bring it...

*ACTIVATED MORTAL COMBAT STYLE FIGHTING, LIVE IN NTM'S DIMENSION!*

NTM: While those two duke it out we return to questions asked; _Avak, have you made guns that blew up in your face?_

Avak: I'm not ashamed to say it, but yes, I have unintentionally made guns that do more damage to me than the enemy. There was a time when a TV crew came over to make an advert of us, I showed off my skill on assembling weaponry and was about to fire at a target when I must've added too much kickback and it sent me backwards into some canisters.

Hakaan: Oh how I laughed...

NTM: FullOn 124 asks Zaktan, _What happened when you worked in the mines?_

Zaktan: It was dark, damp and I was trapped along with some other Skakdi. The answer would be, "Not much"...

NTM: _Did you ever tell the others what you learned in the fortress about Makuta's plan?_

*Everyone stops; Vezok halts his fist inches from his counterpart's mouth and mouths drop open*

Avak: Zaktan...?

*Zaktan sweat-drops, putting up his hands in defence*

Hakaan: That's how you know how to make Anti-dermis!

Vezok: What's in that stuff?!

Zaktan: Nothing, just stuff, general stuffness!

*NTM reveals a small tube of the "stuff"*

NTM: Hang on...

*Sniffs*

NTM: Yep, Essence of Makuta, couple of additives, but it's an Essence...

*Hakaan cracks his knuckles, Avak loads his weapon*

Thok: Just on general, what was the Makuta's plan anyway?

NTM: We all know that one, kill Mata Nui...

Zaktan: Next question, please?!

*NTM throws up a shield around Zaktan*

NTM: Fine, but you're staying right there...

*Zaktan attempts to get out, only to get himself electrocuted*

NTM: Thok and Hakaan...

Thok: This better not be another fluffy!

NTM: ...Full on124 asks, "_What was it like with Brutaka's power?_"

Hakaan: Who? Big, gold and gay? Well, after I...

Thok: We...

Hakaan: We took his power, if you could call it that, I mean; I've had more powerful curries than what he offered...

*Unknown to him, a shadow rises behind Hakaan, the Piraka and NTM stifle their grins*

Hakaan: And anyway, if I had to describe his 'power' I would...

*Sees their grinning faces*

Hakaan: What?

*A dark growl echoes behind him, causing him to turn and stare into Brutaka's merciless eyes*

Brutaka: Powerless, am I?

*He grabs Hakaan's head and drags him through a door, various punching and screaming follows*

Thok: It was great in my case; I can see why he has so much of it.

Reidak: Hold on, didn't you say once that too much power would tear you apart?

Thok: Yes, why?

Avak: You should have let him be torn apart; it would've been funny!

Vezon: Yeah "Hey Thok where's Hakaan?" "Over there, over there and up there!"

*Everyone, including Vezok, laughs at this*

NTM: Vezok "_What was it like as a temporary Toa of Water?_"

Vezok: As in first coming to Voya Nui, it actually made me want to beat the crap out of the Matoran who called me it...

NTM: This one is for all of you "_If the Barraki were on land, would you be able to beat them?_"

Vezon: Hold on, are those the guy's who look like undersea creatures?

NTM: Yes.

Vezon: Ha! Six of them, eight of us!

*The Barraki appear, with Gadunka and Nocturn*

Pridak: I like...blood!

*Silence, then...*

Reidak: Runawayveryfast!

*The Piraka run and the Barraki give chase*

NTM: Oh, one more question!

*Everyone freezes*

NTM: Reidak _"Have you ever watched a Mel Brook's film?"_

Takadox: Mel Brooks, as in _Men in Tights_ Mel Brooks?

Reidak: Hey, I've seen that!

*Muttered agreement*

NTM: Movies and Popcorn!

Everyone: YAY!

*Sit down to watch movie*


	7. ND, DM77 & ES

**Nameless Daydreamer, Dragonmaster77 and ****Enpatsu Shakugan****, thank you for your quizzing questions!**

*NTM turns to the assembled Piraka (and Brutaka, who stayed for the fun) after teleporting the Barraki out*

NTM: Movie good?

Brutaka: Meh, good if it wasn't for the popcorn war!

Hakaan: Mantax started it!

NTM: Anyway, we have questions!

Reidak: I'm getting used to this.

*Vezon with fake ginger beard and Scottish hat*

Vezon: Aye laddie, 'tis like a haggis in the sporran, ye ken?

Avak: Who's Ken?

Reidak: I'm not Ken...

*All three get their heads clunked together by Brutaka*

NTM: I'm starting to like you...

Brutaka: The feeling is mutual...

Thok: Hello, questions?

NTM: Right! First set from _Nameless Daydreamer_!

Hakaan _"Which is bigger, your ego or the planet Jupiter?"_

Hakaan: Why I outta...

*Gets stamped on by Brutaka*

Brutaka: Definitely his ego!

*Nodded agreement*

NTM: Zaktan _"If you're so cold, could you freeze someone if you tried?"_

Zaktan: Hmm...

*Glares at Avak, who gives a worried look back*

Zaktan: Nope, nothing, though I wish I could...

NTM: Avak _"What is Antidermis?"_

Hakaan: Here we go...

*Brutaka sits on him*

Avak: Antidermis is the stuff that we used to enslave the Matoran on Voya Nui, it's hard to actually describe without making you see your dinner for a second time.

Zaktan: Only if you can't get near it...

Vezok: How can you actually get near it without feeling sick anyway?

Zaktan: That's just how I roll...

Vezon: You just got told!

Vezok: *Roars*

*Fight breaks out between the two*

NTM: Anyways _"Thok, (about the mentioned advert in the last chapter) did that camera in your clip belong to the TV Crew?"_

Thok: You mean this little dude?

*Pulls out the spider-cam*

NTM: That's the one.

Thok: I dunno, it sort of just appeared...

Avak: That's one of mine! The crew wanted some images for so I built that to get your pictures!

Thok: That's probably why I felt so good crushing it!

Avak: :'(

NTM: Cheer up, this one's for you _"Avak, (mentioning Avak's short) wasn't one of those weapons Thok's?"_

Avak: A replica, I mean come on, if our weapons break on the field we've gotta have spares, right? But the shock-coil was real; I had to "borrow" that...

Thok: Wondered where that had gone...

*Growls at him*

NTM: You can get off Hakaan now Brutaka, he has to answer a question _"Hakaan, was the container for your advert your idea?"_

Hakaan: No actually, I was just hanging around inside it...

Zaktan: What, with that dynamite?

Hakaan: So that's what those red sticks were!

NTM: You were skulking around near 100 pounds of dynamite and never even noticed?

Hakaan: All I heard was some laughs and the *beeping* dynamite exploded!

Brutaka: That was me and Axonn; we thought we'd have a bit of fun.

Hakaan: You could've killed me!

Brutaka: It came out good, remember the bit at the end when he charges forwards and gets caught in those bars?

NTM: Lemme guess, you and Axonn?

Brutaka: Nailed it on the head...

Vezon: Epic LOLZ all round!

NTM: Vezon _"Why'd you quit being a piraka?"_

Vezon: 'Cos it was so B.O.R.I.N.G! Pillage, plunder, steal, steal some more, the list goes on!

Zaktan: Not necessarily in that order...

Vezon: So I thought, "Vezon, you need a better life than this! First chance you get you're gonna take a vacation!"

NTM: Voya Nui by Easy-Airways?

Vezon: It was when I landed that I thought "Post-apocalyptic Island, danger at every turn and some unsuspecting villagers, great!"

Brutaka: So how'd you get to the Mask of Life?

Vezon: Secret entrance, side of the volcano, easy!

NTM: Zaktan _"If you could kill something, what would it be?"_

*Zaktan gives everyone a steely eye, slowly growling*

Reidak: Already know that one, I think!

NTM: Moving on! _"Isn't Antidermis from Teridax (Makuta)?"_

Avak: Uh, yeah. I think...

Reidak: We just found it dripping out of his body, like blood. :P

Thok: Like NTM said, it's his essence...

Vezon: Nice with toast...

*Everyone looks at him with a W.T.F expression*

Vezon: What?


End file.
